A deer. A female deer.
Certainly as appropriate a place to start as any, given the number of cheesy animal-silhouette perspex brooches I've been subjected to lately.
In this apparent age of material accumulation (Jesus wants you to be wealthy! Mealy-mouthed Mathew may have claimed that it was easier for a camel to enter the eye of a needle than a rich man enter heaven, but, uh, i think that was way before God made Hummers) it's tempting to view the vast majority of dull-eyed, wilfully-ignorant, cud-chewing consumers as bovine hordes benignly grazing along the commercial stripmines and stupormarkets of both inner and outer Melbourne. And this stunningly unnatural ecosystem seems to have become irrevocably entrenched, not to mention mindlessly unquestioned for the most part.
Hey, it's Me!bourne! It's The Shopping Capital! Yeah! Shopping!
Now, not only do I actually have to purchase food and clothing etc, so i'm not entirely opposed to commercial trtansactions. And I'm the first one to admit that i'm a total ghetto refugee, and until i get off this pile of sand with it's giant prawn and its Bindi Irwins, suburbia is NOT an option.
But I mean, have you been to Chadstone shopping village? Not only is it designed to violently amputate all connections with the external world [including fresh air, all sense of proportion and the normal passage of time] but if there were gated communities for bogans, Chaddy could be the Celebration of Melbourne. In the words of Marjorie Dawes, Caroline Springs is fat, but you, Chadstone, ARE SUMMINK ELSE!!
And don't for a moment crudely assume that I am referring exclusively to one gender at the expense of others. As an admittedly homophobic 34yo man i still find myself hard-pressed to distinguish between the pheremonal signatures of 2 or more dysgendered individuals oohing and aahing over some ridiculously expensive piece of CAD-produced laser-cut piece of perspex commissioned [not even hand-made for fuck's sake] by a prententious talentless wanker - the silhouette design of which was probably misappropriated without credit [from Disney, at a guess, at least thats what all those radioactive pink and green Bambis would suggest [and no, i'm pleased to inform you that the quality of my hallucinations are generally of a much higher, and somewhat stranger, standard]].
I may be flattering myself, but i'd like to think I've improved at least this one little piece of inanity...
